


Coping (Or Not)

by wesleyfanfiction_archivist



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-02-27
Updated: 2004-02-26
Packaged: 2018-07-12 08:39:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7094605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wesleyfanfiction_archivist/pseuds/wesleyfanfiction_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A set of drabbles, inspired the Evanescence song "Hello." How is Wesley coping without Lilah?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Electricity

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Versaphile, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [WesleyFanfiction.net](http://fanlore.org/wiki/WesleyFanFiction.Net). Deciding that it needed to have a more long-term home, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in February 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact the e-mail address on [WesleyFanfiction.net collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wesleyfanfiction/profile).

Author's Note: I was stuck on the train listening to the album "Fallen," when I suddenly realised that the song "Hello" could be used to describe how Wesley might be feeling after Lilah died. So, as I've never attempted a drabble before, I thought I'd try that, each drabble being inspired by a line from the song.

***

Playground school bell rings again

Rain clouds come to play again

Has no one told you she's not breathing?

***

Wesley stares out the window, watching storm clouds gathering over LA. He can hear the low rumble of thunder, can feel the electricity crackling in the air. It reminds him of Lilah. 

Everything reminds him of Lilah. 

She made him tingle and buzz all over.

He remembers seeing her laying dead in front of him even as she whispered over his shoulder.

Sometimes, he thinks he's hopelessly screwed up. Then he thinks everyone else is screwed up.

The really screwed up thing - him and Lilah - is over, but it's what he misses most

She's what he misses most.

***

TBC…


	2. Whispers

***

Hello, I'm your mind giving you

Someone to talk to

Hello

***

He hears her sometimes. Whispering over his shoulder as he tries to focus on dusty books full of long dead languages. Foolish really, to listen to Lilah's voice in his head, talking to him, when she's as dead as the words on the page in front of him.

He knows he should shut down the part of his mind in which Lilah still lives. The place where she still laughs and smirks. He knows that. But he can't. If he does, she's completely gone. She's gone and she's never coming back.

He's not sure if he's ready for that yet.

***

TBC…


	3. Nightmare

***

If I smile and don’t believe

Soon I know I'll wake from this dream

***

He tries not to think about the way she looked when she died. How pale she was, blood congealed on her neck. 

He smiles when he remembers other times. Like the time she left him handcuffed to the bed while she watched some soap opera, with him yelling himself hoarse in the bedroom. 

Or the time she wore his jeans to work because her skirt was torn to pieces, he would tease her about it and she would blush and hit him.

This has to be a dream. Lilah was too stubborn to die. 

He wishes he could wake up.

***

TBC…


	4. Lies

***

Don’t try to fix me I'm not broken

Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide

Don’t cry

***

Fred tried to talk to him after they moved into Wolfram and Hart. He told her he was fine. Gave her a brave smile and told her not to worry. He didn’t want to talk about Lilah with her. He didn’t need to, he was fine. Really.

He sat on the leather sofa in his office and lowered his head slightly. He saw her walk into the office, sit next to him, head on his shoulder. She was so real he could almost touch her.

He wiped the tears from his eyes when he looked up and she wasn’t there.

***

TBC…


	5. Yesterday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final line is a Lilah quote. I can't remember the episode (it might have been "Slouching Toward Bethlehem"), but it's from the episode when Wes lost the bet and called what they had a relationship.

Author's Note: The final line is a Lilah quote. I can't remember the episode (it might have been "Slouching Toward Bethlehem"), but it's from the episode when Wes lost the bet and called what they had a relationship. 

***

Suddenly I'm know I'm not sleeping

Hello, I'm still here

All that’s left of yesterday

***

He was sitting in bed, trying to think of some way to make Spike corporeal again. But his mind wandered. Wandered right into the nightmare, where she was dead, he was alive, where he hadn't been able to save her. 

He rubbed his eyes, leaning to open the drawer in his bedside table. He pulled out a notebook and propped it against his knees. He opened the notebook and froze as a dollar bill slid out.

It wasn’t a dream. Never had been. And a signed dollar bill was all he had left. The only proof. 

"Of now. Of this."

***

The End


End file.
